Some more inventions that just didn't quite make the cut (although I thought the slippers in the stair/drawer was pretty clever):

• It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
• The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
• It only take a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone.  It takes a lifetime to forget someone.
• Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear.  When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.  Live life so that when you die, you are the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

National Bike To Work Day is coming up tomorrow.  It's an annual event held on the third Friday of May across the United States that promotes the bicycle as an option for commuting to work. Bike To Work Day was originated by the League of American Bicyclists in 1956.

Sunday is the 27th Capital City Marathon.  Click here to get a pdf of the marathon course.

To the right, you can see snowflakes falling on blooming flowers at Funny Guy On The Prowl's house back on April 19th. 

Now sunscreen is in order this weekend with predictions of record-setting high temperatures.  At this point, tomorrow's forecast high is 81.  The record is 85 at the Olympia Airport.  Friday's forecast is for 87 which would break the old record of 86.  Saturday's forecast is for 86.  The record is 90.  Of course, any prediction for the Northwest from the National Weather Service more than a couple or three days out is nothing more than a guess -- a "maybe."  It's an educated guess but a guess, nonetheless.

And finally, a follow-up regarding the National Association of Letter Carriers STAMP OUT HUNGER food drive held this past Saturday.  This year's drive raised 124,000 pounds of food!  That food goes to the Thurston County Food Bank and to the Saint's Pantry in Shelton.  Ruth Milroy is the local coordinator of the drive.  Ruth called and wanted me to be sure to pass along her thanks, appreciation, and gratitude to you.

I say more pluribus and less unum!  The campaign countdown continues.  Only 175 days remain.  Do you ever wonder if we'll make it?  After today's West Virginia primary, five states and one territory still have to hold Democratic presidential contests.  Primaries are coming up in Kentucky and Oregon on May 20th, Puerto Rico on June 1st, Montana on June 3rd, and South Dakota on June 3rd.  And get set for "Live from New York, it's John McCain."  The Republican presidential contender is making a cameo appearance this week on "Saturday Night Live."  Democrats Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton have both appeared and been lampooned on the program in recent months.

On this morning's trivia we marked the anniversary of the trade-marking of Velcro, which occured on this date in 1958.  Over the years, the brand has become a "genericized" trademark -- a brand name that's the generic term for a type of product.  In an effort to combat this, the company has forbidden its employees to call the product Velcro.  Instead they are to use the generic term "hook and loop fastener."  The concept of genericized trademarks got us to wondering what others were out there.  Some we came up with:

• AstroTurf This is a brand of artificial turf. Though the term is a registered trademark, it's often used as a generic description of any kind of artificial turf.
• Band-Aid This is the brand name for Johnson & Johnson's line of adhesive bandages and related products. However, many of us use the term band-aid generically.
• ChapStick This is the brand name for lip balm manufactured by Wyeth Consumer Healthcare. The term gets used to refer to any lip balm contained in a lipstick-style tube and applied in the same manner as lipstick.
• Dumpster This one surprised me as it's an American brand of trash receptacle. The word Dumpster came from the Dempster-Dumpster system of mechanically loading the contents of standardized containers onto garbage trucks -- patented by the Dempster Brothers in the 1930s. The containers were called Dumpsters, a word-play with the company's name combined with the word dump. The word dumpster has at least two trademarks associated with it.
• Frisbee Frisbee is a registered trademark of the Wham-O toy company, but is often used generically to describe all flying discs.
• Jet-Ski This is the brand name of personal watercraft manufactured by Kawasaki, however, the word is commonly used to reference any type of personal watercraft.
• Kleenex Kleenex is a registered trademark of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide. It's an invented word, owned and used as a trademark by Kimberly-Clark since 1924.  However, when most of us talk about a facial tissue, we call it a Kleenex
• Popsicle This is the most popular brand name in the U.S. and Canada for a brand of ice pop. Popsicle is a trademark owned by Unilever, although it has entered the general vernacular in North America.
• Q-Tips This is the most popular brand of cotton swabs, thus many of us simply call the swabs Q-Tips.
• Scotch Tape While many of us refer to any clear tape as Scotch tape, the Scotch brand and Scotch Tape are registered trademarks of 3M.
• Thermos The first vacuum flasks for commercial use were made in 1904 when a German company, Thermos GmbH, was formed. Thermos, their tradename for their flasks, remains a registered trademark in some countries but was declared a genericized trademark in the states in 1963 as it is colloquially synonymous with vacuum flasks in general.

Note that the stimulus package was for $152 billion. With that in mind, let us ponder what is a "billion." WARNING: This is too true to be very funny.  A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases:

• A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
• A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
• A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
• A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
• A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

And finally, a huge thank you to everybody in the greater Olympia-area metroplex who helped out the National Association of Letter Carriers with their annual STAMP OUT HUNGER food drive on Saturday. I got the following email this morning:

Dear Bob, 

Just had to let you know that preliminary totals of pounds of food collected during Saturday's Letter Carriers' Food Drive exceeded last year's by an unprecedented amount. We're really astounded at the community's participation. I'll have the final results later today or tomorrow and will let you know.    

Ruth Milroy
Coordinator 16th annual Letter Carriers' Food Drive

Had the following emailed to me:

George Phillips lives in Meridian, Mississippi.  He was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.  George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were four people in the shed apparently stealing things.  George phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"  He said no.  His was then told that all patrols were busy and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.  George said okay and hung up, counted to 30, and called the police again.  "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I shot them."  Then he hung up.  Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.  One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said you shot them."  George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available."

A good story ... but is it true?  According to Snopes.com, this little nugget began its Internet life in November of 2001.  Originally it was reported that the item appeared in the Meridian Mississippi Star, however, a search of the archives fails to turn up the piece.  The folks at Snopes contacted the editor of the paper to see if the item ever graced the pages of his publication.  His answer was a short, succinct, authoritative "No."  With that said, the elements of the story did pop up in September of 2003 when a minister in Odessa, Texas, who felt police weren't responding fast enough to his call about a burgled church called the police back 40 minutes later to report that he was holding hostages and threatening to kill them.  The three officers who were pulled off other cases to respond were not amused at the ruse and arrested the 63-year-old pastor on charges of filing a false report.

If you are planning on making a fake ID, remember to attach a picture of yourself only ... no matter how much you love your girl.  (Sheesh!)

And a joke to go for a Friday.  At a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus.  She was decked out in a tight leather miniskirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.  As the bus rolled up and it was her turn to board, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step.  So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.  Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't make the step.  A little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more.  For a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin, she couldn't raise her leg because of the tight skirt.  With a coy little smile to the drive, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack.  Once again she was unable to make the step.  About this time, the big cowboy who was behind her in line, picked her up easily from the waste and placed her lightly on the top step of the bus.  Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching "How dare you touch my body!  I don't even know who you are!"  At this the cowboy drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I'd agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figgered we was friends."

Today's obligatory check on gas prices here in Olympia finds a gallon of unleaded regular up 1.4 cents from yesterday, averaging 3.764 per gallon.  By the way, don't forget that postal rates go up on Monday.

On this morning's trivia we dealt with the former president whose public opinion ratings reached the lowest of any United States president ever ... until George W. Bush set a new record last month.  We had a number of good guesses (Nixon, Carter, FDR) but eventually it was Representative Sam Hunt from the 22nd Legislative District that came up with our answer: Harry S. Truman.  It's Truman's birthday today. He was born May 8th in 1884.  The 33rd president popularized the the phrase "If you can't stand the heat, you better get out of the kitchen."  He had other notable quotations, as well, including:

• It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
• A politician is a man who understands government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead for 15 years.
• I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
• I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.
• I remember when I first came to Washington. For the first six months you wonder how the hell you ever got here. For the next six months you wonder how the hell the rest of them ever got here.
• It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
• The only things worth learning are the things you learn after you know it all.
• When even one American - who has done nothing wrong - is forced by fear to shut his mind and close his mouth - then all Americans are in peril.
• You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.

More bumper sticker and t-shirt wisdom(?) today:

• I thought I was indecisive ... now I'm not so sure.
• Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.
• Rock is dead.  Long live paper and scissors.
• I've read about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.
• Beer doesn't make you fat.  It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).
• So many stupid people.  So few asteroids.
• My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still.
• If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

If you see sheep ...

... you need glasses.

So, were you expecting your Economic Stimulus Payment and haven't received it? The Internal Revenue Service has put out a search tool that allows you to track your rebate.  First, check this IRS Payment Schedule to see when you should expect your stimulus check. If you're overdue for a rebate, you can use this IRS Tool to find out the status of your stimulus check. Note that the IRS says specific information about your stimulus check will not be available until about one week before the payment is scheduled to be issued. The IRS asks for your Social Security number, the number of exemptions you claimed on your 2007 tax return, and your filing status. This Page will help you answer questions on what information to enter. Click here for help viewing the application with your browser.  The response I got when I checked was: "We are sorry. specific information about your stimulus payment is not available. Possible reasons include: your payment may still be coming but has not yet been scheduled, you did not file a tax return for 2007, your return is still being processed, the information entered did not match our records."  Beware that there are some websites that purport to track your rebate but appear to be phishing for personal information. The sites ask for personal information like your address and phone number. Make sure you are at the IRS Web site before you enter any information.

Finally some word-play today:

• A bicycle can't stand alone because it's two-tired.
• Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
• She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg but she broke it off.
• If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
• The man who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory that never developed.
• The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.
• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum blown apart.

Well, as you can see at the right it's finally happened.  

On the topic of beer, Bill Bramanti will love his Pabst Blue Ribbon eternally ... and now he has the custom-made beer-can casket to prove it.  Bill lives in South Chicago Heights, Illinois.  He ordered the custom casket from a local funeral home.  An area sign company designed the beer can.  The 67-year-old says he doesn't plan on using it for the purpose for which it was designed anytime soon.  He did, however, get some use out of it over the weekend.  He threw a party Saturday for friends and filled his silver coffin -- it's designed in Pabst's colors of red, white, and blue -- with ice and his favorite brew.  Says his daughter, "Why put such a great novelty piece up on a shelf in storage when you could use it only the way Bill Bramanti would use it?"

While we're dealing with death (I don't mean to be morbid but ...), epitaphs:

• In a cemetery in England:
  
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.
Someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went.
• In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
  
On the 22nd of June
Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
• In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
  
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow in the draw.
• In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
  
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
• In a cemetery in London, England:
  
Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann December 8, 1767
• In a cemetery in New York:
  
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York
Born 1903 -- Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car
was on the way down.  It was.

With gas prices going up and up -- and with the Alternative Energy Fair and Lacey Grand Prix coming up this weekend at Huntamer Park -- some "alternatives" making the Internet rounds:

Archive: April 2008

You can email Bobby at bob@krxy.com