Had an interesting email forwarded to me yesterday:

A woman said her son found his license plate missing so he called the police to file a report. They told him people were stealing the plates to get free gas. Given the rise in gas prices, people have taken to stealing license plates, putting them on their car, then getting gas and running. The gas station will have "your" license plate number and you could be in trouble for "pump and run." Check your car periodically to be sure you still have a plate. If you should find it missing, file a report immediately!!! Keep an eye on your license plate! Make sure you always know it's there! When the license plate is reported as the "drive off vehicle", it's YOU they contact! Be aware!!!! Be aware of your license plates, most of us never look to see if the plates are there or not.

A quick check at snopes.com came up with an email that was making the rounds in July of 2006 that goes:

Just a warning ... A woman said her son found his license plate missing so he called the police to file a report. They told him people were stealing the plates to get free gas. Given the rise in gas prices, people have taken to stealing license plates, putting them on their car, then getting gas and running. The gas station will have "your" license plate number and you could be in trouble for "pump and run." Check your car periodically to be sure you still have a plate. If you should find it missing, file a report immediately!!!

The snopes.com people point out that rapidly escalating prices have sharply increased the amount of cash people need to have at the ready when refueling their vehicles. This new economic reality has resulted in a rise in "pump and run" gasoline thefts. However, while gas theft is on the rise and there have been instances of pump and runs by vehicles bearing stolen plates, the situation warned against in the e-mai is not epidemic. There has not been a sudden sharp upswing in the number of gasoline drive-offs where stolen tags were involved, and even among reported pump-and-run cases, thefts facilitated by stolen plates are still fairly few and far between. (Obviously the opportunity for perpetrating this form of crime is limited to the distinct minority of service stations that still allow customers to pump before paying and/or offer full service.) Therefore, while the warnings offered via the e-mail are valid, this is not really information that needs to be spread to everyone's nearest and dearest at the speed of light. The ill-intentioned do make off with license plates, but it is much more likely purloined tags will be used to disguise stolen vehicles being moved from one location to another or armed robbery getaway cars than they will to obscure the identities of those filching gas. If not to protect yourself from accusations of gas theft, if you discover one of your tags has gone missing, you should certainly notify police, because by so doing you might be helping to foil a far more serious crime in progress.

Harvey Korman died yesterday at UCLA Medical Center as the result of complications from a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm he suffered four months ago. His big break was being a featured performer on The Danny Kaye Show, but he is probably best remembered for his performances on The Carol Burnett Show. He was nominated for six Emmy Awards for his work on that show, and won four times (in 1969, 1971, 1972 and 1974). He was also nominated for four Golden Globes for the series, winning in 1975.  He was also well-known for his roles in the comedy films of Mel Brooks, most notably as Hedley Lamarr in 1974's Blazing Saddles (pictured at the right). His early television work included voice-over work on Tom and Jerry cartoons and as the voice of the Great Gazoo on The Flintstones.  Harvey Korman was 81.

Well, gas prices didn't set any records here in Olympia for a couple of days but that all changed today as the upward trek continued.  According to AAA, a gallon of unleaded regular moved up to an average of $4.063 today here in the Capital City -- a new all-time high.

• Katie Holmes was up for Buffy Summers on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" but lost to Sarah Michelle Gellar in 1997.
• Whitney Houston was up for Sondra Huxtable on "The Cosby Show" but lost to Sabrina Le Beauf in 1984.
• Lisa Kudrow from "Friends" was up for Roz Doyle on "Frasier" but lost to Peri Gilpin in 1993.
• Jason Bateman was up for Alex P. Keaton on "Family Ties" but lost to Michael J. Fox in 1982.
• Patricia Heaton from "Everybody Loves Raymond" was up for Elaine on "Seinfeld" but lost to Julia Louis-Dreyfus in 1990.
• Teri Hatcher from "Desperate Housewives" was up for Jamie Buchman on "Mad About You" but lost to Helen Hunt in 1992.
• Michael Richards from "Seinfeld" was up for Al Bundy on "Married... with Children" but lost to Ed O'Neill in 1987.
• Raquel Welch was up for Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island" but lost to Dawn Wells in 1964.

Click here to download the Internet.

Click here to visit the last page of the Internet.

With higher gas prices, most of us are doing what we can to ensure our vehicles are getting the best mileage possible.  That includes service, like oil changes.  Got the following emailed to me this morning.

Oil Change Instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent: Oil Change $20.00, Coffee $1.00, Grand Total $21.00

Oil Change Instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2. Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up.  Crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21. Drink beer.
22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame, removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25. Begin cussing fit.
26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28. Beer.
29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30. Beer.
31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32. Beer.
33. Lower car from jack stands.
34. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35. Beer.
36. Test drive car.
37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38. Car gets impounded.
39. Call loving wife, make bail.
40. Twelve hours later, get car from impound yard. 

Money Spent: Parts $50.00, DUI $2,500.00, Impound fee $75.00, Bail $1,500.00, Beer $20.00 Grand Total $4,145.00

But, of course, you know the job was done right!

Seattle Mariner general manager Bill Bavasi said over the weekend that skipper John McLaren is doing a good job and, said Bavasi, he doesn't blame McLaren for the performance of the team and the manager's job is not in jeopardy.  Yesterday club president Chuck Armstrong said Bavasi's job is safe, as well.  Armstrong says there's been no discussion about making changes with the general manager or field manager.  Uhm ... why not?  The Mariners are now 18-and-33 after yesterday's loss to the Yankees.  Seattle is now carting around the worst record in all of major league baseball.

Hats off to the Olympia High School Baseball Bears.  It wasn't the finish the Bears were hoping for but the guys walked off the field at Safeco Saturday with a win -- and third place in the Class 4A state baseball tournament.  After Friday night's loss to -- and bench clearing brawl with -- the Snohomish Panthers, the Bears bounced back to beat the defending state champion Richland Bombers 1-0 Saturday.  OHS completed its best season in school history finishing with a 22-and-3 record.

Gas hit $4 a gallon over the weekend here in Olympia.  This morning's average price per gallon for unleaded regular stands at $4.052 according to AAA.

Good luck to the Olympia High School Baseball Bears who are playing tonight at ... Safeco Field.  How cool is that?  The state 4A semifinal game tonight features the Bears and the Snohomish Panthers.  It’s been 23 years since Olympia last played in the state tournament.  The Bears are hoping to continue their history-making season into tomorrow’s championship game. Their only two state appearances prior to this season came in 1981 and 1985, as both resulted in first-round exits. 

Driving in to work this morning every gas station I passed had their prices over $4 a gallon.  There was 4.039, 4.059, 4.069.  AAA reports today's average here in Oly was $3.967 so not everybody is over 4 bucks ... yet.

Today is the anniversary of the release The Karnival Kid which featured Mickey Mouse in his first speaking role.  Walt Disney provided the voice.  By the way, in November of 1978, Mickey became the first cartoon character to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Mr. Mouse's star is at 6925 Hollywood Boulevard. Below is the clip featuring the talking Mickey.

Now, as we get set for the long holiday weekend and the unofficial start of summer, word is that food inflation is going to have a major effect on our backyard barbecues.  Experts are predicting it's going to cost us about 6% more this year than last for the hamburgers, hot dogs, and the like.

On the topic of food, there have been a number of studies over the years.  We've all heard "don't eat that," "eat more of this," "don't mix that with that" and so on.  I got an email that contains what's purported to be the final word on nutrition and health after all of those conflicting medical studies.  The email points out that the Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.  The French eat a lot of fat and  also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.  The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.  The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.  The conclusion is that we can eat and drink whatever we like. Apparently it's speaking English that kills.

If you're heading out for the holiday weekend, drive carefully.  Hopefully you won't come across a sign like that below.  So ... how do you suppose you get there?

And of course, don't drink and drive ... and don't drink and make traffic signs.

It's the 12th consecutive year that Emily has topped the list.  Jacob is number one for the ninth year in a row. The numbers on the chart above are for the entire country.  Here in Washington, we're similar ... but different ... as the following chart shows:

He gets my vote for Tattoo of the Year!

So when will gas hit $4 a gallon?  It's starting to look like sooner rather than later.  Another day and another record price reported by AAA here in Olympia.  Unleaded regular is averaging $3.918 a gallon today.

After posting the graphic yesterday (see below) dealing with how my life is broken down into segments, I was thrilled to come across an article this morning which seems to indicate that I'm not getting more scatter-brained, rather I'm getting "wiser."  The article in the New York Times says:

When older people can no longer remember names at a cocktail party, they tend to think that their brainpower is declining. But a growing number of studies suggest that this assumption is often wrong. Instead, the research finds, the aging brain is simply taking in more data and trying to sift through a clutter of information, often to its long-term benefit. The studies are analyzed in a new edition of a neurology book, "Progress in Brain Research."  Say the authors, "A broad attention span may enable older adults to ultimately know more about a situation and the indirect message of what’s going on than their younger peers. We believe that this characteristic may play a significant role in why we think of older people as wiser."

The upcoming  Memorial Day weekend is the unofficial start of summer.  With that said, some summer quotes:

• A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. ~ James Dent
• A life without love is like a year without summer. ~ Swedish Proverb
• Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. ~ Erma Bombeck
• In summer, the song sings itself. ~ William Carlos Williams
• There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. ~ Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes
• If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? ~ Steven Wright
• A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp. ~Raymond Duncan
• On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings. ~ Erma Bombeck
• Iced tea is too pure and natural a creation not to have been invented as soon as tea, ice, and hot weather crossed paths. ~ John Egerton
• Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~ Russel Baker

Yesterday was the 26th anniversary of Marilyn Monroe's infamous rendition of "Happy Birthday" for President John F. Kennedy. That was the topic for our trivia.  The picture above is pretty out there.  Up close, it's Albert Einstein ... but if you get up and move back about 15 feet from the screen, it becomes Marilyn Monroe.

AAA's data is obtained from the average of the last credit card swipe at about 85,000 gas stations across the country. Another survey, the Lundberg Survey, is carried out every two weeks at about 5,000 gas stations.  It, too, hit a record high. The latest survey, conducted Friday, put self-service regular gasoline across the country at $3.47 per gallon, 15 cents higher than the previous record set in the survey two weeks earlier.  The folks behind the Lundberg Survey have gone way out on a limb and predicted $4 a gallon gas.

Speaking of records, we reached 91 degrees here in Olympia about 2:30 Saturday afternoon which beat the old record of 90 degrees -- a record that had been on the books since 1956.

And finally, I came across the graphic at the right and it just struck a certain chord with me.  You know, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.  I don't mean to.  It's just that, well, none of us is getting any younger.

Some more inventions that just didn't quite make the cut (although I thought the slippers in the stair/drawer was pretty clever):

• It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
• The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
• It only take a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone.  It takes a lifetime to forget someone.
• Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear.  When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.  Live life so that when you die, you are the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

National Bike To Work Day is coming up tomorrow.  It's an annual event held on the third Friday of May across the United States that promotes the bicycle as an option for commuting to work. Bike To Work Day was originated by the League of American Bicyclists in 1956.

Sunday is the 27th Capital City Marathon.  Click here to get a pdf of the marathon course.

To the right, you can see snowflakes falling on blooming flowers at Funny Guy On The Prowl's house back on April 19th. 

Now sunscreen is in order this weekend with predictions of record-setting high temperatures.  At this point, tomorrow's forecast high is 81.  The record is 85 at the Olympia Airport.  Friday's forecast is for 87 which would break the old record of 86.  Saturday's forecast is for 86.  The record is 90.  Of course, any prediction for the Northwest from the National Weather Service more than a couple or three days out is nothing more than a guess -- a "maybe."  It's an educated guess but a guess, nonetheless.

And finally, a follow-up regarding the National Association of Letter Carriers STAMP OUT HUNGER food drive held this past Saturday.  This year's drive raised 124,000 pounds of food!  That food goes to the Thurston County Food Bank and to the Saint's Pantry in Shelton.  Ruth Milroy is the local coordinator of the drive.  Ruth called and wanted me to be sure to pass along her thanks, appreciation, and gratitude to you.

I say more pluribus and less unum!  The campaign countdown continues.  Only 175 days remain.  Do you ever wonder if we'll make it?  After today's West Virginia primary, five states and one territory still have to hold Democratic presidential contests.  Primaries are coming up in Kentucky and Oregon on May 20th, Puerto Rico on June 1st, Montana on June 3rd, and South Dakota on June 3rd.  And get set for "Live from New York, it's John McCain."  The Republican presidential contender is making a cameo appearance this week on "Saturday Night Live."  Democrats Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton have both appeared and been lampooned on the program in recent months.

On this morning's trivia we marked the anniversary of the trade-marking of Velcro, which occured on this date in 1958.  Over the years, the brand has become a "genericized" trademark -- a brand name that's the generic term for a type of product.  In an effort to combat this, the company has forbidden its employees to call the product Velcro.  Instead they are to use the generic term "hook and loop fastener."  The concept of genericized trademarks got us to wondering what others were out there.  Some we came up with:

• AstroTurf This is a brand of artificial turf. Though the term is a registered trademark, it's often used as a generic description of any kind of artificial turf.
• Band-Aid This is the brand name for Johnson & Johnson's line of adhesive bandages and related products. However, many of us use the term band-aid generically.
• ChapStick This is the brand name for lip balm manufactured by Wyeth Consumer Healthcare. The term gets used to refer to any lip balm contained in a lipstick-style tube and applied in the same manner as lipstick.
• Dumpster This one surprised me as it's an American brand of trash receptacle. The word Dumpster came from the Dempster-Dumpster system of mechanically loading the contents of standardized containers onto garbage trucks -- patented by the Dempster Brothers in the 1930s. The containers were called Dumpsters, a word-play with the company's name combined with the word dump. The word dumpster has at least two trademarks associated with it.
• Frisbee Frisbee is a registered trademark of the Wham-O toy company, but is often used generically to describe all flying discs.
• Jet-Ski This is the brand name of personal watercraft manufactured by Kawasaki, however, the word is commonly used to reference any type of personal watercraft.
• Kleenex Kleenex is a registered trademark of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide. It's an invented word, owned and used as a trademark by Kimberly-Clark since 1924.  However, when most of us talk about a facial tissue, we call it a Kleenex
• Popsicle This is the most popular brand name in the U.S. and Canada for a brand of ice pop. Popsicle is a trademark owned by Unilever, although it has entered the general vernacular in North America.
• Q-Tips This is the most popular brand of cotton swabs, thus many of us simply call the swabs Q-Tips.
• Scotch Tape While many of us refer to any clear tape as Scotch tape, the Scotch brand and Scotch Tape are registered trademarks of 3M.
• Thermos The first vacuum flasks for commercial use were made in 1904 when a German company, Thermos GmbH, was formed. Thermos, their tradename for their flasks, remains a registered trademark in some countries but was declared a genericized trademark in the states in 1963 as it is colloquially synonymous with vacuum flasks in general.

Note that the stimulus package was for $152 billion. With that in mind, let us ponder what is a "billion." WARNING: This is too true to be very funny.  A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases:

• A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
• A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
• A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
• A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
• A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

And finally, a huge thank you to everybody in the greater Olympia-area metroplex who helped out the National Association of Letter Carriers with their annual STAMP OUT HUNGER food drive on Saturday. I got the following email this morning:

Dear Bob, 

Just had to let you know that preliminary totals of pounds of food collected during Saturday's Letter Carriers' Food Drive exceeded last year's by an unprecedented amount. We're really astounded at the community's participation. I'll have the final results later today or tomorrow and will let you know.    

Ruth Milroy
Coordinator 16th annual Letter Carriers' Food Drive

Had the following emailed to me:

George Phillips lives in Meridian, Mississippi.  He was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.  George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were four people in the shed apparently stealing things.  George phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"  He said no.  His was then told that all patrols were busy and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.  George said okay and hung up, counted to 30, and called the police again.  "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I shot them."  Then he hung up.  Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.  One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said you shot them."  George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available."

A good story ... but is it true?  According to Snopes.com, this little nugget began its Internet life in November of 2001.  Originally it was reported that the item appeared in the Meridian Mississippi Star, however, a search of the archives fails to turn up the piece.  The folks at Snopes contacted the editor of the paper to see if the item ever graced the pages of his publication.  His answer was a short, succinct, authoritative "No."  With that said, the elements of the story did pop up in September of 2003 when a minister in Odessa, Texas, who felt police weren't responding fast enough to his call about a burgled church called the police back 40 minutes later to report that he was holding hostages and threatening to kill them.  The three officers who were pulled off other cases to respond were not amused at the ruse and arrested the 63-year-old pastor on charges of filing a false report.

If you are planning on making a fake ID, remember to attach a picture of yourself only ... no matter how much you love your girl.  (Sheesh!)

And a joke to go for a Friday.  At a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus.  She was decked out in a tight leather miniskirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.  As the bus rolled up and it was her turn to board, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step.  So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.  Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't make the step.  A little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more.  For a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin, she couldn't raise her leg because of the tight skirt.  With a coy little smile to the drive, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack.  Once again she was unable to make the step.  About this time, the big cowboy who was behind her in line, picked her up easily from the waste and placed her lightly on the top step of the bus.  Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching "How dare you touch my body!  I don't even know who you are!"  At this the cowboy drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I'd agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figgered we was friends."

Today's obligatory check on gas prices here in Olympia finds a gallon of unleaded regular up 1.4 cents from yesterday, averaging 3.764 per gallon.  By the way, don't forget that postal rates go up on Monday.

On this morning's trivia we dealt with the former president whose public opinion ratings reached the lowest of any United States president ever ... until George W. Bush set a new record last month.  We had a number of good guesses (Nixon, Carter, FDR) but eventually it was Representative Sam Hunt from the 22nd Legislative District that came up with our answer: Harry S. Truman.  It's Truman's birthday today. He was born May 8th in 1884.  The 33rd president popularized the the phrase "If you can't stand the heat, you better get out of the kitchen."  He had other notable quotations, as well, including:

• It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
• A politician is a man who understands government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead for 15 years.
• I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
• I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.
• I remember when I first came to Washington. For the first six months you wonder how the hell you ever got here. For the next six months you wonder how the hell the rest of them ever got here.
• It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
• The only things worth learning are the things you learn after you know it all.
• When even one American - who has done nothing wrong - is forced by fear to shut his mind and close his mouth - then all Americans are in peril.
• You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.

More bumper sticker and t-shirt wisdom(?) today:

• I thought I was indecisive ... now I'm not so sure.
• Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.
• Rock is dead.  Long live paper and scissors.
• I've read about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.
• Beer doesn't make you fat.  It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).
• So many stupid people.  So few asteroids.
• My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still.
• If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

If you see sheep ...

... you need glasses.

So, were you expecting your Economic Stimulus Payment and haven't received it? The Internal Revenue Service has put out a search tool that allows you to track your rebate.  First, check this IRS Payment Schedule to see when you should expect your stimulus check. If you're overdue for a rebate, you can use this IRS Tool to find out the status of your stimulus check. Note that the IRS says specific information about your stimulus check will not be available until about one week before the payment is scheduled to be issued. The IRS asks for your Social Security number, the number of exemptions you claimed on your 2007 tax return, and your filing status. This Page will help you answer questions on what information to enter. Click here for help viewing the application with your browser.  The response I got when I checked was: "We are sorry. specific information about your stimulus payment is not available. Possible reasons include: your payment may still be coming but has not yet been scheduled, you did not file a tax return for 2007, your return is still being processed, the information entered did not match our records."  Beware that there are some websites that purport to track your rebate but appear to be phishing for personal information. The sites ask for personal information like your address and phone number. Make sure you are at the IRS Web site before you enter any information.

Finally some word-play today:

• A bicycle can't stand alone because it's two-tired.
• Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
• She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg but she broke it off.
• If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
• The man who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory that never developed.
• The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.
• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum blown apart.

Well, as you can see at the right it's finally happened.  

On the topic of beer, Bill Bramanti will love his Pabst Blue Ribbon eternally ... and now he has the custom-made beer-can casket to prove it.  Bill lives in South Chicago Heights, Illinois.  He ordered the custom casket from a local funeral home.  An area sign company designed the beer can.  The 67-year-old says he doesn't plan on using it for the purpose for which it was designed anytime soon.  He did, however, get some use out of it over the weekend.  He threw a party Saturday for friends and filled his silver coffin -- it's designed in Pabst's colors of red, white, and blue -- with ice and his favorite brew.  Says his daughter, "Why put such a great novelty piece up on a shelf in storage when you could use it only the way Bill Bramanti would use it?"

While we're dealing with death (I don't mean to be morbid but ...), epitaphs:

• In a cemetery in England:
  
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.
Someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went.
• In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
  
On the 22nd of June
Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
• In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
  
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow in the draw.
• In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
  
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
• In a cemetery in London, England:
  
Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann December 8, 1767
• In a cemetery in New York:
  
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York
Born 1903 -- Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car
was on the way down.  It was.

With gas prices going up and up -- and with the Alternative Energy Fair and Lacey Grand Prix coming up this weekend at Huntamer Park -- some "alternatives" making the Internet rounds: